Today's Not the Day

Do you ever feel like today is just not the day?  It's not the day to have one more thing go wrong.  It's not the day to find the solutions to the problem.  It's not the day to feel sure of anything.

I'm being honest - I am emotionally spent.  Jack had a rough day yesterday at school.

Today we had an online day and this morning we were breezing along.  Jack was flying through his work, happy and motivated.  He even said several times "Man, mom I'm smart!"  Of course I followed up with "Yes, you are!"

Then the afternoon hit.  All of a sudden this free sailing kid became a dead weight.  I couldn't motivate him no matter what I tried.  He was spent - there was no fuel left in his tank.  His battery was dead - and to be honest so was mine.

I keep having this inward struggle with the way things are done in the public school system.  Kids are inundated with work - thereby the parents are too.  Whatever happened to reading the chapter, answering the questions, and doing the vocabulary?  Instead we do the same thing 15 different ways - killing trees and brain cells along the way.

I'm not seeing evidence of anyone coming out smarter in the end from all this work.  All I see is stress and a sense of failure.  With what we're going through, it seems we have no free time to just enjoy each other - it always revolves around school work.

I'm torn between grades don't matter, because I already found out they don't necessarily represent reality, and grades mean everything because every time Jack doesn't do well, he feels like a failure. So I spend half the time convincing him that grades don't determine his value and that testing is subjective because if they'd tested him on things he's interested in, he'd ace it every time.

So all this rambling is really about trying to make a decision that's right for my son, knowing that whatever decision I make is going to impact him greatly.  Some of the questions I'm dealing with right now is:

Should I move him to a different school?  Should I do online school.  Should I try medication to help with the low energy in the afternoon and the focus or wait and see if the therapies work?  Are the recommendations going to work?  Should I do any of these things now or should I wait?

As a mom, I just want to swoop in and make it all right - right now!  Sometimes it's the not knowing that is so exhausting or trying to figure out all the options that can be so tiring.  Some of you may be going through the same things.  If you are, surround yourself with encouraging, compassionate people.

I know I have nothing to complain or worry about.  Many people have it much worse - but again, I'm just tired today.  I know that God has me and will never leave me nor forsake me - I'm just tired today.  I know God has great plans for Jack, but I'm just tired today.

It's days like this that I am so thankful that I have good friends and family who keep reassuring me of all this.  I know this to be true, but sometimes I'm just too tired to voice it.  I'm not doubting where we'll end up, I'm just hoping I have the stamina to keep going.

I know today's not the day for me to find all the answers, but maybe in all my efforts today I found one of the answers or discovered something new.  So for all those who love someone who is struggling, be encouraged because tomorrow is another day and there will be more answers to find, more hurdles to jump, and more joys to be had amidst the struggle.

So you pray for us, and I'll pray for you.  And get some sleep, we have another big day in front of us tomorrow and maybe tomorrow will be the day!