Well it’s been a little less than a year since I last posted. At that time I had not yet had the case conference
with the school to determine Jack’s IEP.
Well, we had the meeting and the school failed to identify any of the
deficits the Neuro psychologist diagnosed (even though I gave them the 2 reports
from 2 different specialists with Phds prior to the meeting). Oh, they did identify the obvious, ADHD, so
needless the say the IEP has failed miserably.
It was about as individualized as a stick of Juicy Fruit gum!
So our annual case conference is coming and it begins to
stir up a lot of emotions in me – hurt, anger, disbelief, and
determination.
Believe me when I say I have been doing a lot of praying - begging
God to give me direction. After all,
this is my son we’re talking about – my most prized possession, my blessing, one
of my most favorite people, the one God entrusted me with.
I know I can fight the school and try to force them to honor
the doctor’s diagnosis and provide proper accommodations – I’ve met with an
attorney and they say I have a very strong case. But the Lord woke me up at 2:00 in the
morning and pointed out how even if I get them to comply, they’ll still get it
wrong.
As I began to look back over Jack’s school experience,
punishment has always been their response to everything. For example one of his goals in his IEP is to
work on organization. So if he fails, he
gets lunch detention. If he forgets
something, he gets lunch detention. To
me that would be like giving a kid with a limp lunch detention for not running
as fast as the other kids.
One day Jack came home from school all upset. He went on a rant for about an hour and a half. I took notes as he spoke. 3 things he said that I'll never forget are:
- He said there was a video he watched about the worst science experiments or something on that order - but the point was they would try to intimidate people to stop stuttering. As if the person could somehow control it.
- You can't put everyone through the meat grinder - Pink Floyd
- You shouldn't try to make fish climb a tree!
Jack's points reminded me of the case conference when I explicitly said “I
do not want him punished for forgetting something”, one of the school attendees
said “What do you suggest we do?” – rather sarcastically I might add. I would suggest a reward system or a little bit
of compassion and assistance – after all isn’t that what accommodation means?
But now I realize he really didn’t know any other way to
deal with it. Unfortunately that is the
culture of that school and many others, I’m sure.
Then my friend happened to share an article on my facebook
page “Why so many kids can’t sit still in school
today.” As I was reading it, the
thing that stuck out to me was when it mentioned how the little boy came home
with yellow stickers instead of green stickers and how every day he’s reminded
that his behavior is unacceptable. This
broke my heart. That’s my Jack! I remember in kindergarten he’d come home
upset that he had to change his color and half the time he didn’t know what
for.
Now instead of changing his color, it’s lunch
detention. He’s still getting the same
message that his behavior is not acceptable, even if it’s something he can’t
control. And Jack doesn’t have
behavioral issues, so I can imagine how much worse it is for a kid who does.
Another one of my friends, who constantly talks me off the
ledge, said something to me – just because a school is a 4-star or “A” school doesn’t
mean it’s an “A” school for Jack.
She convinced me to go check out Discovery Charter School. Which I did!
It was awesome. It was noisy, the
kids were engaged, no teachers were yelling or threatening them with
punishment. I even got emotional when I
noticed the seating in the room. There
were kids standing at a window with a counter doing their work. There were swivel stools, exercise balls,
cushions on the floor with kids hanging out doing their work. This was so awesome to me. Jack does his homework with a headset on,
rolling around on an exercise ball or on a balance board with his Ipad. And
this school did this, without someone forcing them to. How refreshing! How inspiring! How grateful I was just to see it!
As I was driving yesterday and talking to the Lord, it
dawned on me. Jack’s school is not good
enough for him. That doesn’t mean it’s
not good enough for other kids. It just
means it’s not good enough for him! He
deserves the best – the best from me and the best from him and the best from
his school.
So if your child has low self-esteem and struggles with self-worth
– even though you constantly build him up – take a look at the school environment. What message are they sending him every
day?
Your child may not want to change schools, but it's like anything. If what they're going through is not good for them, then you have to make the choice. And know that you'll never regret making things better for your child.
Please, keep me in your prayers and I’ll say a little prayer for all the parents and all the kids and all the schools.
